Sean Miller

Rallies Men -- William Wallace.

Shaka Smart

Karma Stash -- Pragmatic; saves for rainy days.

Blaine Taylor

Betrayal Lion -- Discouraging.

Banality Role -- Existentialist; terrified of being normal.

Baloney Trail -- Prefers the road less traveled by.

Albino Realty -- Fictional company.

Cuonzo Martin

A Zircon Mount -- Inauthentic.

Manic Runt Zoo -- Non-sexual man crush on Steve Wojciechowski. 

Czar Moon Unit -- Closet Zappa.

Brian Gregory

Bragger Irony -- Lacks self-awareness.

A Berry Gringo -- A very white boy.

Aging By Error -- Haunted by past mistakes.

Ray Groinberg -- Sense of humor stopped maturing in eighth grade. Heh. Groinberg.

Chris Mooney

Roomy Niches -- Princeton offense utilizes good spacing.

Hoe Cronyism -- Gardening implements hold tremendous sentimental value.

Orlando (Tubby) Smith

Lo, Random Shit -- Inconsistent.

Moron Had List -- Hey!

Tim Miles

Limits Me -- Low ceiling.

Lime Mist -- Wonders if the soft drink market is really too crowded or if that's just an intimidation tactic.

Chris Mack

Chick Arms -- Napoleon complex.

Rick Chasm -- Always wanted to be a pro wrestler.

Michael Brey

Hereby Claim -- Insecure; in his mind he's on waivers.

Tim Lonergan

Genital Norm -- Humble.

Mangle Intro -- Poor public speaker.

Late Morning -- Alcoholic.

Rick Barnes

Near Bricks -- Gone to Carolina in his mind.