Jumpin' Jesuits and Kangaroos! It's How They Do Time

Week 11 for Pack opponents is in the books.

As you know, after each weekend I have been keeping track of how our future opponents' seasons are unfolding while also keeping track of how past opponents react to not having us to kick around anymore. It would no doubt be a much better feature if I got the damn thing up before Thursday. My bad. But read it anyway. K?

You may skip the italicized, explanatory paragraph below unless you're new to the site or forgetful.

How to read the post: A capsule for each Pack opponent, including the team's record and most recent result, is listed under the heading "Week 1," "Week 2," "Week 3," etc. based on what week during the season that the Pack plays that opponent. The future/past opponent is listed in bold.

Week 1: Missouri (5-5) 51, Tennessee (4-6) 48 (3 OT)

In devastatingly painful triple OT fashion, UT dropped to 1-13 in its last 14 SEC competitions in this matchup of league bottom dwellers trying to get bowl eligible. The Vols surrendered 50+ points for the second time this season, and every FBS opponent they have played has scored at least 21 on them. That's right; N. C. State's 21 is the worst offensive effort against the Vols this season. Akron even hung 26 on Sal Sunseri's defenseless defense.

Tennessee let a two touchdown lead evaporate in front of the restless Neyland Stadium faithful despite Tyler Bray's big day. He threw for 404 yards and 4 scores; Justin Hunter and Mychal Rivera both had 100 yard receiving days and a TD catch.

The Vols are a 4 point dog at Vanderbilt this weekend, which has to make the boosters so proud. UT must beat Vandy and Kentucky, which it lost to a year ago, in order to make a bowl.

Week 2: UCONN (4-6) 24, Pittsburgh (4-6) 17

The Huskies clung to their feint bowl hopes with a win over Sal Sunseri's kid, Tino, who is one of the better quarterbacks out there that you never hear about since his team sucks eggs. Little Sunseri tossed 2 TDs in a 300-yard performance. If Pittsburgh had UConn's defense or UConn had Sunseri instead of the dumpster fire that is Chandler Whitmer, well, neither team would suck as bad. UConn will need wins over Louisville and Cincinnati to get to a bowl. I like Wake Forest's chances better.

Week 3: North Texas (4-6) 24, South Alabama (2-8) 14

The Mean Green of North Texas went all Hulk against the Jaguars. You will not like the Mean Green when they are breaking runs of 85 and 51 yards for scores. North Texas managed just 167 yards on its other 58 plays, but it was plenty of offense against the punchless Jags.

Week 4: The Citadel (6-4) 27, Virginia Military Institute (2-8) 24

You can just throw out the records when these two scrappy academy rivals take to the gridiron, as evidenced by the Keydets' rousing comeback against the heavily favored Bulldogs. Alas, VMI, which had not scored more than 7 points in its previous 3 games, came up short despite claiming 21 of the game's final 24 points scored.

The most interesting thing ever in the history of the world is that VMI used to have live kangaroo mascots. I am shitting you negative. Kind of disappointing that they skimped and went with a wallaby for a while. Crazy what you find when you try to figure out what the hell a Keydet is, and I still don't know.

Week 5: Virginia (4-6, 2-4) 41, Miami (5-5, 4-3) 40

This game epitomized the Canes' season so far. Up and down Miami trailed after the first quarter, took the lead in the second quarter, trailed at halftime, took a 10-point lead into the 4th quarter, and lost. Still, despite its propensity for subjecting itself to misery, Miami wins the coastal with a win over Duke in two weeks.

Duke Johnson did all he could to help the Canes sew up the division, rushing for 150 yards on just 16 carries and throwing for a score. Kid is special. Miami's defense...not so much, so there's still sewing to do.

Week 6: #10 Florida State (9-1, 6-1) 28, Virginia Tech 22 (4-6, 2-4) 22

Beamer's Turkeys fought valiantly to try to bring a snippet of joy to their lost season, but these birds will not be receiving a pardon thanks to N. C. State-like defensive secondary indifference in the last minute. E. J. Manuel was sacked eleventy million times behind the Noles' suspect offensive line, but rallied FSU from down a deuce, hooking up with Rashad Green for a 39-yard catch and run, with 40 seconds left. Greene, who had 6 catches for 125 yards and a pair of TDs, scampered to the end zone for the game winning score without so much as one Hokie laying a feather on him.

Week 7: Bye week.

Week 8: #13 Clemson (9-1, 6-1) 45, Maryland (4-6, 2-4) 10

You were sure after that rousing 7-6 win over the Bill & Mary Tribe to open the season that the Fighting Edsalls were in for a special year. Sadly, the QB-mauling Wolfpack undid the dream. Including the game that saw State take out two Terp signal callers, the Edsalls have sputtered to 4 straight losses and will see their bowl hopes officially doused by the Seminoles on Saturday. Adding insult to injury (or more insults to more injuries?), ACL-UM played Clemson without leading tackler Demetrius Hartsfield due to, of course, a torn ACL, and phenomenal freshperson (don't want to offend our UNC readers) Stefon Diggs also missed the game due to a torn ACL an ankle injury.

Week 9: Georgia Tech (5-5, 4-3) 68, North Carolina (6-4, 3-3) 50

The Wolfpack won to get bowl eligible and Paul Johnson's Jackets hung 68 on the bowl-banned Heels. Pretty much all is right with the world (as long as you don't look back. Don't look back!). Since the Heels had a pick 6 and one of Tech's scores was on special teams, the defense was really only outscored 61-7.

Italian Stallion Giovani Bernard eclipsed the 1,000-yard rushing mark for the second straight season for UNC in the game, which was the highest scoring contest in ACC history. Of note for Pack fans is this stat: Bernard averaged one yard per return on two punt returns. Sigh. (Dammit, I looked back! I said don't look back!)

Tech's Tevin Washington tied the ACC career record for rushing touchdowns for a quarterback with his 35th career 6-pointer and then was promptly replaced by former Pack target Vad Lee. Lee, a freshman from Durham, ran for 112 yards and two scores and passed for 169 more with a TD toss to Robert Godhigh, who also rushed for two TDs.

Week 10: Virginia (4-6, 2-4) 41, Miami (5-5, 4-3) 40

How ‘bout them Hoos? After outscoring the Canes 13-2 in the 4th quarter of this seesaw battle, Virginia is back in the bowl conversation and need wins over UNC tonight and rival Virginia Tech to make it happen. Mike London obviously learned a thing or two about bye week resurgence in his time under TOB.

I must give Mr. Mike Rocco a shout out since I have regularly panned him in this space. Rocco threw for 300 yards and 4 scores, including the game winner with 6 ticks left to Jake McGee, to lead all in Hooville to jubilation. His heart even grew three sizes. Phillip Simms added 88 yards through the air against the remarkably ineffective Miami secondary.

Week 11: N. C. State (6-4, 3-3) 37, Wake Forest (4-3, 2-3) 6

Omega Swami correctly predicted that Tanner Price would be the barometer to watch in this game. If he was 2011 Tanner Price, the Pack would have a problem with Grobe's pesky Deacs. But if regressed Tanner Price of 2012 once again reared his ugly head, State would be shining its bowling shoes. Thanks to a harassing Pack pass rush, Price was even worse than his normally awful 2012 standard, compiling a 77.2 QB rating for the game, bringing his season rating down to 111.9, the 96th worst mark in the FBS. That's 17 spots worse than Chandler Whitmer and just one spot ahead of SOAL's Ross Metheny.

To relive the magic of BTP's take on the game, click here and here.

Week 12: #13 Clemson (9-1, 6-1) 45, Maryland (4-6, 2-4) 10

Clemson scored more points (21) in the first quarter against Maryland than State managed in an entire game (20). The Tigers have won 12 in a row in Death Valley and Tajh Superfluous H Boyd is the nation's #2 rated QB behind Oregon's Marcus Mariota. DeAndre Hopkins is 8th in the FBS, averaging 110 yards receiving per game. His 14 touchdown receptions rank second. Oh, and Sammy Watkins. Oh, and Andre Ellington. Oh, and Clemson's defense seems better of late.

This might be a difficult thing Saturday.

Week 13: #4 Notre Dame (10-0) 21, Boston College (2-8, 1-5) 6

The Eagles kind of sort of hung in there against the nation's top defense, but there are no moral victories in the battle of traditionally catholic private universities. I'm pretty sure I heard Irishman Manti Te'o shout, "Down with your liberal Jesuit practices!" after intercepting BC's Chase Rettig. The patron saint of field goals, Nate Freese, accounted for all of the BC scoring. That Spaz summoned the kicking unit down 18 in the 4th quarter is an excommunicable offense. Go for it, dammit! You gotta have touchdowns to beat Touchdown Jesus.

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