After Words In A Complete Moron: This Week In Keeping It Heel

CHAPEL HILL, NC - JANUARY 26: Students cheer for the North Carolina Tar Heels during a game against the North Carolina State Wolfpack at the Dean Smith Center on January 26, 2012 in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. (Photo by Grant Halverson/Getty Images)

You may remember Keeping It Heel from such blog posts as That One Guy Who Went To UNC-Wilmington Says Stuff.

Next up:

As I was sitting waiting for the Tar Heels to take on Wake Forest Tuesday night, NC State was all I could think about. The Heels absolutely shut down NC State at the Dean Smith Center. Not just winning, but crushing, the "Wolfpack" who looked more like the puppy pack. Little Scott got all upset after words and said some really stupid things to reporters.

Why are there scare quotes around Wolfpack? Making a riff on the nickname doesn't require scare quotes, man. (P.S. You should be on Leno.) Afterward, by the way. You're looking for afterward.

Following that paragraph, our dude somehow takes exception to that awkward-but-hilarious retort from Wood about how frustrating it is to keep losing to Carolina.

My favorite part of it all, Wood is a 20 year old that has never been married in his life. So he has absolutely no clue what it would be like to have his wife cheat on him. He went on to say that the loss was 90% NC State not playing well. Which is a direct implication that he feels Carolina was only responsible for 10% of the win. In other words, this guy in a complete and utter moron.

(Emphasis mine.)

Right, Scott Wood has never been married, which is why he said it's probably like having your wife cheat on you. Probably, as in, I have no idea what that feels like, but I imagine it could be similar, and also this is entirely beside the point, rendered null and void on account of the fact that who the fuck cares.

It's good to see there's a blog out there with a passion for stabbing irony in the face, though, that's for sure. This is precisely the sort of adopta-mater dunderheadedness that I've tried to channel in various April Fools' Day posts but have yet to pull off. I was close on the username, at least, because I could definitely see 'Heel2ThaYeah' contributing to Keeping It Heel. But I'm reading every stilted piece of embarrassment this guy has written in an attempt to get on the level, so worry not.

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