Hello, friends. We here at the Network thought it would be a good time to let you know what we've been producing for this the upcoming fall season, which promises to be our biggest yet.
Gary Hahn Is Off To Business
Each week, Gary Hahn follows around one lucky Wolfpack fan at work, offering play-by-play on everything. This show compiles all the best moments into tidy two-hour episodes. (Note: do not spend the day tossing balled-up paper at your trash can. Gary hates that.)
Between Two Hedges, hosted by Zach Galifianakis
His popular web series done with a slight twist to make it sports-related. (But not really.)
The Weakest Link, hosted by Debbie Yow
This will be just like that game show that was on for a while but the difference is that NC State's football staff will make a point of oversigning so that there aren't enough scholarships to go around. Rather than simple cuts or "medical hardships," the players selected for the show--incoming recruits and current team members--will compete in each episode for a guaranteed scholarship. The losers are of course welcome to stay as walk-ons but will not be on scholarship.
Additionally, the network is considering a special end-of-school-year episode in which all of the contestants are struggling NCSU coaches. Trap doors will drop each losing contestant to such destinations as Middle Tennessee State, Lamar, and IUPUI.
A scripted half-hour sitcom starring Jeff Fish and Steve Outboard, real-life members of NC State's bass fishing team.
MOTHERFUCKING JIM BRIDGE'S KICK ASS AMERICA
We don't know what this is about. We were too afraid to ask.
A panel of baby boomer NC State alums condescend to the university's younger fans on such topics as accepting mediocrity, lack of perspective, and why you should treat every goddamned basketball game like a coaching referendum.
Follow NC State's championship cosplay team throughout training camp. A raw and uncensored look at how champions are made. If that doesn't work, we can just sell the title to a softcore porn company.
Good Wil Punting
Wil Baumann is a rough-around-the-edges kid from the poor side of town who has unspeakable potential. Will he ever realize the 50 yards-per-kick average that he seems to be hiding from?