Here are the Pack alum's performances from week five of the NFL season. Players are listed in alphabetical order as not to offend anyone; please hold your applause until the end of the presentation.
David Amerson (‘13/2nd): Washington (1-3) was off.
Andre Brown (‘09/4th): Brown remains out for the G-men. New York is one of just four winless teams in the NFL and one of just two at 0-5. In 2012, this team outscored its opponents by 85 points in an unlucky to have only nine wins season. The year before, the Giants won the Super Bowl. I don't think anyone saw a collapse of this extraordinary magnitude coming.
Audie Cole (‘12/7th): The Vikings (1-3) enjoyed a bye week and made news by picking up the jettisoned Josh Freeman to add to the stable of quarterbacks that will not be starting at quarterback the next time Minnesota is good.
Mike Glennon (‘13/3rd): Good lord, it's a bye week conspiracy.
T.J. Graham (‘12/3rd): E.J. Manuel got hurt and Buffalo (2-3) went bye-bye, surrendering the game's final 20 points in a 37-24 Cleveland win. Graham caught two passes for 21 yards but was targeted five times, bringing him to six catches on 17 targets for the season. One would think NFL quarterbacks would have a greater success rate than 6-of-17 if they were trying to throw balls through tire swings. That were swinging back and forth. Thirty yards away.
Steven Hauschka (‘08/UDFA): Seattle (4-1) did some very un-Seattle things in losing its first game of the season; included in that list was Hauschka missing a field goal for the first time all season. He did go 4-for-5 in the game and sports an impressive 12-for-13 (92.3%) success rate on the year.
Nate Irving (‘11/3rd): The Broncos defense let Tony Romo throw for 506 yards and still remained undefeated in a game that saw 99 combined points put on the board. Denver (5-0) got 51 of those. The Broncos are 28-point favorites against the Jaguars this weekend, the largest spread in NFL history. OBTW, Irving managed just one tackle against the Boys (though one game photo I saw shows him sacking Romo, yet the box score gives him no such love).
Markus Kuhn (‘12/7th): After week six Kuhn can return from the PUP list and rejoin Sebastian Vollmer and Bjoern Werner in Germany's hostile takeover of American football. Wait, Werner is hurt too. Nevermind.
Ted Larsen (‘10/6th): Bucs, as you know by now, had a bye.
Manny Lawson (‘06/1st): Beat the Ravens. Lose to the Browns. Makes perfect sense. After pitching a first quarter shutout, the Bills' D yielded 37 points in three quarters to the perennially rebuilding Browns, though Lawson did have seven tackles, including one for a loss.
Terrell Manning (‘12/5th): Manning remains unemployed and may soon vacate this space. :(
Philip Rivers (‘04/1st): Rivers made it back-to-back 400 yard games and became the State alum with the most career NFL passing yards (29,501) and touchdown passes (202), supplanting the epically named and equally great Roman Gabriel. Oh, and San Diego lost to the fucking Raiders, falling to 2-3 and effectively ending its season with Denver and KC off to 5-0 starts. How's that fire Marty Schottenheimer karma working for you, Dean Spanos?
J.R. Sweezy (‘12/7th): The Seahawks have been without their starting tackles and starting center for a couple of games now, and all the Russell improv in the world can't make up for losing three linemen (though his time at N.C. State certainly prepared him for the eventuality of having next to no protection from the OL). Fortunately, Sweez can stop having to block three guys himself on every play this Sunday, as pro bowl center Max Unger is expected back.
Stephen Tulloch (‘06/4th): Tacklin' Tulloch had 11 more stops Sunday; he's second on the Lions in tackles and sacks on the season.
Mario Williams ('06/ 1st): Mario is third in the NFL with 7.5 sacks after Thursday night's two-sack performance.
Adrian Wilson (‘01/3rd): Wilson is still languishing on the Pats' IR.
Russell Wilson (‘12/3rd): Wilson, running for his life for much of the game with Robert Mathis, the NFL sack leader, in hot pursuit, managed to throw for 210 yards and scramble for 102 more, but he only completed 48.4% of his passes, tossed a pick, and lost a fumble. Nonetheless, the Seahawks led the Colts 12-0 in the early going and had a five-point lead entering the fourth. It's a game they should have won.
C.J. Wilson (‘13/UDFA): Wilson, a third-string corner, did not see action Sunday and has appeared in just one game.
Earl Wolff (‘13/5th): The Eagles (2-3) are tied for first with Dallas despite a losing record in the NFL (L)East. Wolff was in on four tackles and notched a pass defended in the 36-21 win over the Giants.
Willie Young (‘10/7th): Young had a pair of tackles against Green Bay.
Super Mario could garner the BTP game ball this week thanks to his two-sack performance, but the nod has to go to Rivers' record-breaking game. Rivers will soon become just the 38th player in league history to throw for over 30,000 yards and, at just 31, he has a realistic shot at 50K and a top five ranking all-time before he hangs up the spikes.