clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Beleaguered Coach Panders Shamelessly To Withering Supporters

New, 7 comments

Downtrodden North Carolina State head football coach Tom O'Brien lamented during his press conference Monday that "life is a sine curve."

O'Brien's comment is thought to be a direct response to an incendiary quip delivered with effortless wit by Mathematics department head Floyd Wilkins in the aftermath of the football team's painful defeat at the hands of the Florida State Seminoles. 

"I don't recall the words precisely," said professor Bill Johnston, who happened to be within earshot of the joke.  "But the guffaws were as numerous and varied as Tom O'Brien's clock management errors.  An impromptu rejoinder session for the ages broke out that day, let me tell you."

A source close to the situation indicated that O'Brien hoped his remark would "earn some points with those hypercritical fruits in SAS Hall."

When asked to elaborate by the baffled liberal arts degree-toting members of the local media, O'Brien sounded uncomfortably close to a full-on existential crisis.

"It's tough because it's out of your control.  I've been stuck in this trough for so long, all I want to do is ride the crest.  That's why we go on, I guess.  To find that crest.  But whenever I'm there all I can think about is the trough lingering right behind it.  I'm not sure what the point is anymore, honestly.  Tom Cochrane is so full of shit.  If you were going my way, I'd insist you turn around." 

O'Brien then excused himself for his daily alcohol-fueled reflection period, which he said would probably be followed by some "pointless meandering."