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NC State Hires Mick Cronin To Save On Rising Travel Costs

During a press conference held Friday afternoon at NC State's Dail practice facility, Athletic Director Debbie Yow introduced the compact Mick Cronin as the school's newest head basketball coach, the first step toward what she termed "a pragmatic era."

"It costs a significant amount of money to travel within the ACC," Yow explained. "We already had to fly to fucking Alaska every year, and now with expansion there's Boston College, which is, hell, I don't even know where that is. It's like up at the top somewhere. Coach Cronin's can-do attitude and portability make him well-suited for this job and any number of overhead compartments."

Yow then demonstrated for the assembled media the ease with which she could transport the new coach.


"As you can see, Coach Cronin's winning smile and amiable personality fit neatly in the palm of my hand. It used to be that we'd buy our head coaches two or even three plane tickets so they had enough room to work in comfort. Or in Coach Friedgen's case, to simply survive the flight. Coach Cronin makes all of that unnecessary, giving us a wide variety of onboard storage options and allowing us to save untold thousands of dollars."

As for concerns over Cronin's slight stature negatively affecting his ability to open the RBC Center's doors or reach, say, the phone on his desk, Yow said the department was prepared to make all the necessary adjustments, from adding doggie doors to its facilities to ordering a bunch of phone books for chairs.

"It's a small price to pay for this level of savings," she said. "The right fit can come in any shape or size, and I don't have to tell you what federal regulations and airline carry-on luggage specifications have already told you--that Mick Cronin is the perfect fit for NC State."

Cronin comes to North Carolina State by way of Cincinnati, where he served as a paperweight for Bob Huggins.