But That's My Move!

The NCAA has recommended some rules changes for the next college basketball season. Among those recommendations are some additional restrictions on coaching antics.

• Prolonged, negative responses to a call/no-call that are disrespectful or unprofessional and include waving or thrashing the arms in disgust, dramatizing contact by re-enacting the play, or running or jumping "in disbelief" over a call/non-call.
• A negative response to a call/no-call that includes approaching/charging an official in a hostile, aggressive or otherwise threatening manner; emphatically removing one’s coat in response to a call/no-call; or throwing equipment or clothing on to the floor.
• Continual criticism during a game regarding the same incident after being warned by an official.

That only mentions the coat specifically, so that would seem to leave open a myriad of secondary options. The tie is probably the most obvious one. You get the additional bonus of the frustration-saturated loosening action, then you can toss that sucker under your chair.

Then there's the belt You can pull that thing off and make all sorts of racket just whipping it against the floor over and over. Actually that's probably not a good idea. (Note to coaches: Try a "it is a custom in my country" explanation before giving up on this.)

Me, I think I might try taking off one shoe. Just make a real big show of sitting down, untying it, and hurling that motherfucker down the tunnel. Then when I walk around it looks like I have a limp, which would earn sympathy points from the officiating crew after I told them about my tragic knee injury.

At any point, if any of these apparel removal antics catch the eye of an official, I shake my fist angrily at the sky and go, "I don't like the way I look, George Zimmer!" Bam, my hands are clean.