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Forgive us, Old MacDonald, for we have sinned

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Buda Mendes

This Tuesday began like any other, as I scrolled through the news for anything related to NC State that I might have missed recently. The day quickly turned nightmare when I stumbled on this horror of horrors from the News & Observer:

N.C. State delivered a dominating performance in winning the two-day Jefferson Cup Trophy regatta, college sailing's newest trophy event, this past weekend.

Mother. Of. God.

You think about this day, you do your best to plan for it, and yet it still catches you off guard. Uh, quick! Everybody think about irrigation! No! Hang on, that involves water as well. Can't risk it. Okay, okay, let's get it together, everything is fine. I'm fine, you're fine. Corn! We'll think about planting corn crops. And textiles. Well not planting textiles, just textiles in general. Planting corn while wearing textiles.

Sing 10 Old MacDonalds and imagine yourself refreshed as if a newly-seeded field. Donneth thy camouflage trucker caps and rub dirt on something. Chew the hell out of the emergency absolution tobacco. Repent, you fools.

See? We're still country! We're still datgoned country! Dammit, how did we get into this mess? Beating UVA in a sailing competition! My god. My god.

Next thing you know, we'll be winning national championships in tennis. The mere notion gives me the shivers.