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MILQUETOAST HOT TAKES WITH NOTORIOUS TOB!!

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Because why not? (Ed. note: This is all satire).

Prior to our serious interview with Mike Rutherford over at Card Chronicle (which you can read here), we had a little fun interviewing the Notorious TOB, now that he's working for ESPN, to get his takes on the Louisville game and asked him the same questions we asked Mike. Let's see what he had to say!

BTP: Coach, a lot has been made going into this game about the respective schedules for both Louisville and NC State so far. Do you see that giving any one school a particular advantage, or do you feel that really doesn't make any difference?

nTOB: *Sniff* You're talking to a guy that once scheduled multiple FCS schools in the same season. Cupcakes pave the path to the glory of bowl eligibility and the six or seven wins that should lead to unending job security, or so I thought. Louisville has scheduled itself into possibly being the best four or five-win team in college football which might push Petrino back into his adulterous ways and land him a gig like mine on ESPN whatever the number is. Getting ratings on the internets is hard, Bobby, and I suggest you give the directional Kentuckies and Murray State a call for next year.

So, I don't think I really answered your question. I'm a bottom line guy; I'd rather be 4-0 than 1-3 any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

BTP: Don't know if you've seen the weather forecast, but they're calling for potentially historic rainfall here in North Carolina this weekend. If the game conditions are waterlogged, how do you see that affecting Louisville's offense, and in particular Lamar Jackson?

nTOB: As a former marine, you learn to deal with adversity. Mud and wet footballs? A soaked polyester jersey? Wet toes? A little glaze glistening off your angry bird helmet? That's not adversity. I don't know if this Jackson was in ROTC in high school, but if he has even a hint of military training, a bit of Mother Nature should not impede him in the realization of his objective.

BTP: What concerns you most about NC State, and what do you think the biggest advantage is for the Cardinals?

nTOB: What concerned me about NC State when I was there, and what continues to concern me now, is that overreaching AD. I fully support women having jobs and all, even ones high in the chain of command, but her unrealistic expectations put those in her charge in real danger. It will be interesting to see how Petrino, a great tactician if a flawed man, exploits this on Saturday.

BTP: Does Louisville have any major injury concerns heading into the game Saturday?

nTOB: I believe this information is classified. Really, coaches don't like to give this stuff out. You will have an easier time finding a syllabus for a UNC player's class than an honest injury report.

BTP: Let's get a prediction on the game.

nTOB: *folds arms* The team that wins in the trenches will win the game. *wry smile almost imperceptibly lifts one corner of his stern countenance* And that team will be wearing red.

Kudos to Omega for playing the role of TOB.