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Are you there, Big 12? It’s me, East Carolina

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NCAA Football: Cincinnati at East Carolina James Guillory-USA TODAY Sports

Not long after the ACC and ESPN announced an agreement to establish a linear ACC Network, the Big 12 pulled a 180 on its conference expansion position. The Big 12 is now all about some expansion. Give the Big 12 all your lovin’, don’t let up until they’re through.

So now that topic everyone got tired of like five years ago is back, except this time it comes with more East Carolina. Yes, that East Carolina. You know the East Carolina I’m talking about. Garishly clad outfit incapable of defending a hail mary. Down yonder. Right, that’s the one.

East Carolina would really really really really really like to be in the Big 12:

If the Big 12’s expansion teams don’t come from the pool of BYU/Cincy/Memphis/Houston/UConn/UCF/USF, it’ll be some kind of miracle, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Never know what might help. Fart those words out there, man, you can’t tell how they might land.

[cuts to Big 12 HQ]

“SIR!”

“What is it, Johnson?”

“This school I just heard of, sir, they’re good at maps!”

“Get the fuck out of here!”

“I’m serious, sir.”

“No, I mean, leave so that I can call them to tell them they’re in.”

“Oh, stop it.”

“God we have fun.” /they laugh for 10 minutes

***simultaneously, 2,000 miles away at AAC HQ***

“MY GOD.”

“What the hell is it, Jerry?”

“Sir did you realize the East Carolina people could do geography?”

“WHAT.”

“It appears to be true, sir.”

“You said the school was called what now?”

“It’s not important.”

“It’s on the east what?”

“Honestly it doesn’t matter.”

“So I can get back to this cup of coffee, then?”

“What’s the move today? Two-percent?”

“Nah, I went half-and-half.”

“Cool.”

“Right. So I’ll see ya.” /resumes stirring coffee, walks away

[end scene]