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Say, uh, anybody seen NC State’s non-conference basketball schedule?

NCAA Basketball: North Carolina State at Virginia Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

If it feels to you like the Wolfpack’s non-conference hoops schedule is running late, well, you’re right, it is. The last two years, it’s been released in mid-to-late July. Something is causing delays this year, and there have been few updates, including this leaked photo of Jeff Dunlap’s scheduling big board:

One possible reason for delay: complications related to HB2. Albany dropped its Nov. 12 game in Durham against Duke because of New York’s position on the bill, and while the rest of the Blue Devils’ schedule is done, they still have not found a replacement opponent for that date.

That could easily be what’s slowed the process for NC State, though it wouldn’t explain why the rest of the schedule is being withheld. Duke’s schedule has been out for a month, despite the hole left by Albany. And Wake and UNC’s schedules have been public since June.

But maybe something far worse has happened. There is only one copy of the schedule, as most of you know. It is written in only the finest of calligraphic fonts, on rare parchment excavated from an ancient mine in Azerbaijan. Each parchment found to be up to the standards of basketball scheduling costs $400,000.

Nothing written on it will appear unless it is written in blood. If the schedule is destroyed, then so are all of the agreements it represents, and the coaching staff responsible for the schedule are sent to Azerbaijan as indentured servants to mine for more parchment.

(It’s done this way to appease the RPI gods. That might seem odd, but we don’t mess with success, folks.)

I can only pray that nothing so serious has happened. In the meantime, why don’t you check for the schedule under your couch cushions.