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Dave Doeren names starting quarterback, won’t tell anyone who it is

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FINE.

Troy v North Carolina State Photo by Lance King/Getty Images

Jalan McClendon or Ryan Finley, Ryan Finley or Jalan McClendon. Dave Doeren has indeed named his starting quarterback for the William & Mary game, but it’s super duper top secret. It’s on a need to know basis, son, and you ain’t need to know.

Doeren on Tuesday, via Jacey Zimbal of The Wolfpacker:

“We know who is out there first, but it doesn’t help to tell you [the media],” Doeren said. “It was close, but the game week prep didn’t play into it. It was more about coming out. Both of them have worked really hard this week.”

I understand why some coaches prefer a more secretive approach to, well, everything, but this will never make it any less comical to me. Finley and McClendon aren’t fundamentally different players. I can’t imagine the scheme would vary much based on which of the two is in the game.

But we must maintain football secrets! We got some Kremlin shit going on up in here. Even William & Mary’s spies on the ground have been thwarted thus far.

We told you the trip down was a waste of time, Debra, but did you listen to us, Debra? Of course you didn’t. Ugh, typical Debra move.

So I suppose we’ll all just have to remain in the dark until Thursday. Between now and then we’ll sleep well knowing that countless anecdotal evidence has proven time and time again that keeping your starting QB a secret is guaranteed to stun the opponent for a significant amount of game time. The math is indisputable: the advantage gained is worth roughly 4.39 points.

Sure, I just made that up, but would some football coaches believe it? Probably.