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TACKLING DONUTS

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Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Acquired By JAB Holding Co For $1.35 Billion Photo illustration by Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Training camp sounds pretty terrible. First of all, it’s hot as heck outside this time of year. And training camp is not really football practice, at least not early on—it’s more like organized standing around. If recruiting letters were honest, they’d say “I’m pleased to offer you a scholarship and to invite you to stand in line to do some football-approximate things in some hot-ass weather next August.”

But they don’t say that, of course. They would never say that. So there you are, former high school football star, standing in a line in August, being annoyed at the whole deal, WHEN SUDDENLY ...

FOOTBALL DONUTS

It’s about time football camp turned into a 9-year-old kid’s dream. Oh man I hope the next drill includes trampolines, and maybe one of those pits that are filled with foam. Lemme get these donuts, coach. Later on I’m gonna crush that slide-into-the-ballpit drill. It’s like I’m back at the Discovery Zone.