Folks, I think we can all agree that the health of our respective colons is very important, even if we don’t like to discuss this subject often. Pooping on a regular basis is one of many keys to a healthy lifestyle. Everybody poops, and poops are important for everybody.
With that in mind, the good people at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill—an obscure yet dedicated diploma mill; think DeVry, except without the name recognition—have assumed the cause of colon health awareness.
Today the school launched the Poopin’-Ass Roy bobblehead, a tribute to their enthusiastic poop-having basketball coach, Roy Williams. Now, sure, this bobblehead does not look anything like Roy Williams, but that is not the point. The point is that Poopin’-Ass Roy is excited about colon health. Let’s not get lost in the details here.
As you can clearly see, Roy is vehemently cheering for his own colon health as he sits and poops. He’s getting the word out about constipation and the importance of consuming a lot of fiber. He’s also pooping on a giant, garish UNC-logo’d carpet, which I’m sure is not lost on any of us.
The idea behind this campaign is very simple: sometimes you have to coach up your colon. What I recommend, for starters, is that you get yourself a Poopin’-Ass Roy bobblehead, and place said bobblehead in your bathroom so that when you’re sitting on the toilet, you are forced to make eye contact with Poopin’-Ass Roy.
Did you have a bad day? Are you just not feeling very enthusiastic about pooping today? Well don’t worry because one shared look with Poopin’-Ass Roy will have you back in shape. You will be back to “hell yeah, poop!” mode in no time.
(Important doctor’s note: Poopin’-Ass Roy is not an effective substitute for a healthy high-fiber diet that is low on caffeine, alcohol, and terrible plaid jackets.)