It is time to dispense with the ceremony of the first game week and get on down to the serious business of football, which is a very serious game in which people are doing a sport very seriously.
So here are the key anagrams that make up this James Madison team. Looking these over, I started to get a better sense for why this program has been so successful.
Freshman safety Que Reid — Queried
I didn’t even need the anagram machine for that one. I appreciate the simplicity.
Sophomore safety D’Angelo Amos — Load Mangoes
I think I only find this funny because I instantly pictured a guy shoveling mangoes into the trunk of his car.
Freshman safety Reggie McNeill — Mr. Ceiling Glee; Emcee Grilling
Get you a defensive back who looks at every ceiling like it’s the Sistine Chapel.
Freshman quarterback Gage Moloney — Yo, Mango Glee!
A fun fact that I discovered is that you cannot spell Gage Moloney without mayonegg. I don’t feel so good.
Freshman wide receiver Jack Chenault -- Jack Eat Lunch
Chenault is not a particularly uncommon last name and now that I know that a simple rearrangement of its letters spells eat lunch, I’ll never look at it the same again.
Junior cornerback Charles Tutt -- Truth Cleats
Truth Cleats sounds like a ham-fisted self-help program established by a former athlete, and I was a little surprised to get no hits on that from Google. This is your opening, Charles.
“I’m Dr. Charles Tutt, and I’m hear to ask you: what is the truth behind your youness? Do you wake up each day confidently, knowing that with every step forward, your feet will find exceptional purchase regardless of weather conditions?”
Senior cornerback Curtis Oliver -- Cures Vitriol
Good for you, son.
Freshman safety Francis Meehan -- French Amnesia, Refinances Ham, A Nice Freshman
My man has an entire Tinder profile built into his name, which is impressive. And I know it’s an acquired taste, but I truly believe that refinanced ham is the best ham. There’s something about the hours-long preparation process in which the ham is smacked repeatedly with a calculator that brings out a higher-quality flavor. So I have great respect for ham refinancers.