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Boston College is poison

you heard me

RSPCA Reveal The Exotic Pets They Rescue Photo by Carl Court/Getty Images

You’ve suspected it for years, and yes, it’s true, friends: Boston College is poison. If at all possible, avoid any and all Boston Colleges, on account of the fact that they are poison. Do not consume poison unless you want to die.

Boston College’s crapulent crap squads are 5-0 against NC State this academic year and 5-37 against the rest of the ACC. This has been a terrible year but nothing quite brings out the full shame spectrum like the above numbers from Joe Giglio. Frankly I think we should disband the entire athletics department.

I am distraught over this; I’m a completely broken man. There is nothing left to look forward to but the cold darkness of death. I tried using a gif of Jaylen Samuels throwing a touchdown pass against UNC to cheer me up but it was hopeless. I’m spent. My emotions have worked around the clock digging my grave.

We are all going to die. Frankly we should all be dead already. Why are we here for this cruelty? This is not sane, this should not be reality. Who would do this to themselves? Who are we trying to impress? We are surrounded by an endless lifeless vacuum for eight zillion trillion eternal light years in all directions.

None of this matters and there is no god, but there is a Boston College, which is poison. Anyway have a great afternoon, everybody.