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Here, let’s just do some yellin’

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Yelling solves all problems, nine out of 10 psychiatrists agree.

North Carolina State v North Carolina Photo by Grant Halverson/Getty Images

Seems like we always get to this point every year, where we just gotta yell about some things in order to feel better. So here is a thread for yelling about stuff, and it can be any stuff, really, like your obnoxious dentist or the inevitable death of us all because we’re mortal, or how every damn time you stub your toe it’s the most annoying thing in the world.

Those are just several of myriad topics about which you might shout via all-caps or swears, I’m only getting the ball rolling here.

I’ll start: dammit, soup, why is it that no matter how hard I try, there’s no way to keep you from ending up rolling down my chin. Darn it, car, why can’t you fly. Christ on hell, why can’t anyone merge onto the highway at a decent speed. Why can’t I just say “lose five pounds” and then immediately lose five pounds, curse this sham of an existence. Why is it a rule you have to hire unknown mediocre actors for every Star Wars movie. Fuck kale. Why hasn’t anyone bombed KFC’s corporate headquarters over their D-list-comedian-sustaining charity project otherwise known as a shitty ad campaign. Who the hell even eats at KFC, and why. How does Subway sustain a profitable business based on sandwiches that are 98% bread. Why are NFL teams uniformly dull and why do so many people seem to like this exercise in Bud Lightery. Spicy foods sometimes don’t agree with me but I’m like, no, I disagree with YOU. What’s the deal with airplane food. Who moved my cheese. Why can’t we craft a society around staying in beds because beds are extremely warm and comfortable as opposed to crafting a society around loud earth-killing bullets on wheels. Did you need that extra piece of pie well hell yes I did, pal, so can it. I’d rather watch paint dry than endure a Beyonce record. Dammit Dave why would you punt from the 34.

Anyway you get the idea.