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Dave Doeren is either a candidate for the Wisconsin job or he isn't

Mary Langenfeld-USA TODAY Sports

Hello. Either panic or don't, okay, bub.

First we have a sarcastic remark from a Chicago-area (Aurora!) newspaper guy.

All right, yeah, my man!

I do not know what this means.

There's probably some context I'm missing, implied both by the exceptionally professional tone and the emoji usage.

-- Let's check in on Athlon Sports.

Wisconsin is surprisingly looking for a new head coach after Gary Andersen left Madison for Oregon State.

Wisconsin is not "surprisingly looking" for anything. Barry Alvarez is not dialing numbers and going, "oh my god, who is this?!" when somebody picks up. "Terry, get over here, there's a man talking to me through this plastic abomination!"

Dave Doeren, Head Coach, NC State

If not Chryst, what about another former Wisconsin assistant? Doeren is two years into his tenure at NC State and guided the Wolfpack to a bowl in 2014 after a 3-9 mark in his first season. Prior to his stint at NC State, Doeren spent two years at Northern Illinois and went 23-4 from 2011-12. Doeren worked under former Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema from 2006-10 as the team's defensive coordinator and also has stops as an assistant at Kansas and Montana.

Well, at least they spelled the name right.

"Hello? Who is talking now? Dave?! Get the shit out of here, I once knew a Dave!"

"Barry? Hey, Barry! Could y--"

"Oh my god!"

Getting on to more serious business:

-- Among Wisconsin's options, from Sports on Earth's Matt Brown:

Dave Doeren, N.C. State. Doeren spent five seasons as a Wisconsin defensive assistant from 2005-10 before landing the Northern Illinois job as Jerry Kill's replacement. He spent two years in DeKalb, leading the Huskies to an 11-3 record, followed by a 12-1 regular season with an Orange Bowl bid in 2012, landing him the N.C. State job. His first season was a struggle in Raleigh, going winless in the ACC and 3-9 overall, but the Wolfpack began turning things around with a 7-5 record and a St. Petersburg Bowl bid this year.

-- Here are our friends B5Q on coaching candidates:

2. N.C. State head coach Dave Doeren

If you want the other probable local favorite, let's look at former Badger assistant Dave Doeren. N.C. State improved by four games from the season before. They have a bowl game with Central Florida. Offensively, it would likely bring back the immortal Matt Canada, though after the Andy Ludwig era, fans would be thrilled. Anyway, he's a 43-year-old head coach who knows how to recruit well in challenging circumstances and his only losing season was a year-zero situation. I'd be thrilled if they chose Doeren.

-- Here's Wisconsin AD Barry Alvarez, who may not grasp or care about the problems he's creating at Wisconsin:

After Wednesday’s team meeting, most of the seniors, including right tackle Rob Havenstein, inside linebacker Marcus Trotter and nose guard Warren Herring, went to Alvarez and asked him to coach the team like he did two years ago in the Rose Bowl. Alvarez called it flattering and a decision he’ll make quickly.

As a coach, if there is a significant contingent of your football team that would actively support your AD stepping in as interim head coach, isn't that weird? Doesn't that bother you? Alvarez had a hell of a run as head coach at Wisconsin, but if he's genuinely stepped back into an administrative role, how is he the first guy that veterans are turning to in the midst of a coaching change? Dude just hangs at every practice, wearing sunglasses, dropping spare "you know I was the head coach here once" remarks, doesn't he? He is that guy. Yep, he's that guy.

Barry Alvarez, Wisconsin Man:

"I don’t really worry about style of play on offense or defense as long as its sound," he said. "As long as they’re sound, I can live with that. I’m not going to put parameters on people that you have to run a specific type of offense, although I do know the type of player we can consistently recruit here and people have to understand that when they take this job. But I never strap anybody down. We were sound in what we did."

Dave Doeren has worked for Barry Alvarez before, so he would understand the Wisconsin Mission better than most. And if he is willing to accept that mistake as his next job, then I wish him all the best. He isn't, though. Nobody loves Wisconsin that much, except Barry Alvarez.