ESPN's annual Shitstairs Monday includes Larry Fedora, Bobby Petrino, Dabo Swinney, and Scott Shafer. They will all be sitting in booster seats of varying heights. Fedora's seat is built out of a pounding need to ignore everything, especially coaching; Petrino's out of hysterically self-imposed moral ambiguity; Swinney's out of 57 bibles, with which he intends to construct a fort. Scott Shafer had to remind people that Syracuse is a college with sports.
On Tuesday ESPN will feature a shitty, stunted little man who doesn't give a damn about crimes unless they happen to be caught on camera, plus some guy who worked in Michigan for a while, plus the biggest fraud in college football, plus some dunce who's been forced to pretend a college football program in Boston is tenable, plus a zombie from Virginia, plus a tie-adorned bit of sorrowful confusion. Dave Doeren is also involved.
So anyway, here is the lineup. Doeren will be live on SportsCenter at 3:20 p.m. ET on Tuesday.
|Monday, July 27||Tuesday, July 28|
|Dabo Swinney (Clemson)||Steve Addazio (Boston College)|
|Larry Fedora (North Carolina)||Frank Beamer (Virginia Tech)|
|Dave Clawson (Wake Forest)||Jimbo Fisher (Florida State)|
|Paul Johnson (Georgia Tech)||Dave Doeren (NC State)|
|Mike London (Virginia)||David Cutcliffe (Duke)|
|Bobby Petrino (Louisville)||Al Golden (Miami)|
|Scott Shafer (Syracuse)||Pat Narduzzi (Pittsburgh)|
Man, I have packed so much hate into a couple of paragraphs, I've surprised myself. Training camp ain't just for the players, it's for the bloggers too, and I think I just set a new personal record. I'm ready for the start of the season *lifts another heavy Cutcliffe burn to the sky*