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Dave Doeren and the rest of the ACC's coaches hit the ESPN car wash

Mark Konezny-USA TODAY Sports

ESPN's annual Shitstairs Monday includes Larry Fedora, Bobby Petrino, Dabo Swinney, and Scott Shafer. They will all be sitting in booster seats of varying heights. Fedora's seat is built out of a pounding need to ignore everything, especially coaching; Petrino's out of hysterically self-imposed moral ambiguity; Swinney's out of 57 bibles, with which he intends to construct a fort. Scott Shafer had to remind people that Syracuse is a college with sports.

On Tuesday ESPN will feature a shitty, stunted little man who doesn't give a damn about crimes unless they happen to be caught on camera, plus some guy who worked in Michigan for a while, plus the biggest fraud in college football, plus some dunce who's been forced to pretend a college football program in Boston is tenable, plus a zombie from Virginia, plus a tie-adorned bit of sorrowful confusion. Dave Doeren is also involved.

So anyway, here is the lineup. Doeren will be live on SportsCenter at 3:20 p.m. ET on Tuesday.

Monday, July 27 Tuesday, July 28
Dabo Swinney (Clemson) Steve Addazio (Boston College)
Larry Fedora (North Carolina) Frank Beamer (Virginia Tech)
Dave Clawson (Wake Forest) Jimbo Fisher (Florida State)
Paul Johnson (Georgia Tech) Dave Doeren (NC State)
Mike London (Virginia) David Cutcliffe (Duke)
Bobby Petrino (Louisville) Al Golden (Miami)
Scott Shafer (Syracuse) Pat Narduzzi (Pittsburgh)

Man, I have packed so much hate into a couple of paragraphs, I've surprised myself. Training camp ain't just for the players, it's for the bloggers too, and I think I just set a new personal record. I'm ready for the start of the season *lifts another heavy Cutcliffe burn to the sky*