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ACC closes investigation into Clemson sideline laptop

Turns out the laptop was legit, if not weird

NCAA Football: ACC Football Championship Game-Clemson vs North Carolina Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports

Following Saturday’s Clemson-NC State game, questions were raised about the use of a laptop that was spotted on Clemson’s sideline during the game. After a fairly quick investigation, The ACC cleared Clemson of any wrongdoing in connection with the laptop.

Michael Strickland, ACC Senior Associate Commissioner for Football, addressed the issue.

“The ACC was made aware of the use of a laptop computer on the Clemson sidelines during a game at North Carolina State on Saturday, November 4,” said Strickland. “After a thorough review of available video and evidence, and after speaking with Clemson football and support staff, we have concluded that the computer was not used by the football staff to gain any verifiable competitive advantage. We have been aware of the use of a laptop computer on the Clemson sidelines for a few years.”

“Coach Swinney has, several times now, requested a direct integrated headset on gamedays between himself and the tiger,” said Steve Vollinger, Director of Advanced Media for the ACC. “These requests came after initial requests for a telepathic connection. He said he wants to be one with the stuffed tiger. I’m still not sure he understands what ‘Advanced Media’ is or what we do. I attempted to explain to him, but he just kept telling me that he had seen The Matrix movies and to ‘do the computer stuff to make it happen’.”

Clemson University also released a short statement regarding the use of the laptop.

“For the last few seasons, Coach Swinney has set up a Skype video call on the sidelines between himself and the stuffed display tiger in our athletics administration building. There is nothing illegal about this activity and it has been cleared by the ACC.”

Swinney addressed the issue during the weekly press conference call.

“Listen, guys. Fonzo and I - Fonzo, that’s what he prefers to be called - we have a special relationship. I don’t expect you all to understand it, okay? We met a few years ago while I was doing a press conference. Ever since, he and I have just been - I don’t know how to say it. We just hit it off.”

Swinney continued, “He’s got mojo. He’s got funk. He’s like an extension of our staff. Sometimes during games, I just need to talk things over with him. His wisdom is invaluable. If those guys in Advanced Media at the conference offices would actually do their job, Fonzo and I could really take this program to the next level!”

Swinney then spent the next 10 minutes with reporters trying to emulate the bullet dodging move performed by Keanu Reeves in the movie The Matrix.

Junior quarterback Kelly Bryant also commented when reached after practice. “Fonzo? Yeah, Coach and that tiger, they have some kind of weird bond. We’re not really sure what it is. Coach called a 5:30am meeting during preseason camp to have that tiger as a motivational speaker. Was the weirdest thing ever. Most guys fell asleep... Coach seemed pretty pumped about it, though.”

When asked for comment, Dave Doeren shook his head in a look of disbelief before stating, “That guy won a national title?”

No word yet on if other coaches will look to provide similar sideline setups to stuffed display animals at their respective schools. Rumor has it that UNC Coach Larry Fedora has begun negotiations to bring in Mallory Lewis as a special assistant in Chapel Hill.