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Dave Doeren’s second apology doughnut tour suffers from terrible breakdown in fundamentals

NCAA Football: South Carolina at North Carolina State Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports

Y’know, losing a football game is something I can eventually come to terms with. Some losses take longer than others, some require a lot of beer-based counseling. And Dave Doeren has been contrite at times, which does help: last year he handed out apology doughnuts following NC State’s shouldna-lost game at ECU. He doled out some Krispy Kremes, the football team got on a winning streak, and all was smoothed over. (Briefly.)

Doeren is back at his doughnut-based apology tactics this week, but I am having none of it, sir, nary a glazed ounce.

Dunkin Donuts! The king’s fading sanity grasps his judgment and drags it down by the ankles while his empire crumbles around him. This is no apology at all! Surely anyone still capable of feeling pain or remorse would never be found guilty of a crime such as this.

Shoot, now we’re getting into apology-for-the-apology-doughnuts doughnuts territory. We get any further along this track, none of us will have any idea which doughnuts are intended for whom or why or what is even a doughnut but a nod to circular motion, to human routine and drudgery, and how we’re doing this for a second year in a row which makes it a routine and does this mean we should smash all the doughnuts since we didn’t do that last year since we ate the doughnuts?

Anyway I’m recovering from Saturday quite well.