It ain’t every day you can say you beat cancer. In Soviet Russia, cancer beats itself. On October 20, 2012 Maryland became Motherland, as we witnessed a stunning display of foreshadowing ineptitude in a missed 33-yard-field-goal to win the game as time expired. Now that we know the ending, we are gonna Tarantino this one and flash back to the beginning and wander down the winding road of history that brings us up to that moment.
NC State was riding high coming off of a bye week, some well earned rest after tomahawk chopping the #3 Florida State Seminal Vesicles in Raleigh. The Red and White faithful were buzzing with optimism, as we historically follow up our big wins with repeat performances of excellence. After a dick kicking at the hands (feet?) of Tennessee down in Atlanta to open the season, it felt like we were shaping up to be the team we anticipated during June.
As with any away game Saturday, particularly a 3:30 kickoff, a younger, more svelte TOBsGhost awoke from an alcohol induced slumber around 1:20 in the PMs prepared for battle from his couch. With fire in his belly and Busch Light in his eyes, he turned on the television.
After an uneventful first quarter ending with Maryland up a field goal, Mike Glennon hit a Scandinavian mythical legend called Logan Winkles for a 25 yard score in the second. Nik Sade added the extra point and later a field goal to take a 10-3 lead into halftime.
Maryland came out on their first drive of the second half with an 8-play drive capped off by a rushing touchdown by Wes Brown, who went over 100 on the day, to bring the game to 10-9. This really pissed off Mike Glennon, who with the ferocity of a male giraffe whipping his neck at a rival to protect his lady mate giraffe, slung a 68-yard TD to Bryan Underwood on the very next play, giving State a 17-9 lead. Yet nothing gold can stay, and Maryland answered on their next possession with a rushing TD by Devin Burns. The 2-point conversion failed, leaving State in control 17-15.
On that note, it bears mentioning that Devin Burns was the backup QB. Maryland’s starting QB, Perry Hills, went out at the half with an apparent injury. Remember this as you read on.
State punts on their ensuing possession, and Maryland decides to make things interesting as Brad Craddock (may he be praised) booted a 48 yard field goal to give Cancer a 18-17 lead in the 4th, with 13:39 remaining. The next 13 minutes were meaningless and nothing happened. Pay no mind to the fact we went for it on 4th and 13 from roughly the same field position I (erm, the actual TOB) punted on 4th and 1 at Clemson in 2010. That happened.
Just as he had done two weeks before, Mike Glennon led a drive successful to put us in scoring position and take the lead with the game on the line. After a few completions to Quinton Payton and gritty running by Tony Creecy, the ball was on the MD 35, 4th down and 5. Nik Sade realized the weight of the situation. At this time, the Pack controlled its own destiny to win the Atlantic. So he took a deep breath, thought of his smoking hot girlfriend (true story) and nailed that kick.
So remember Devin Burns the backup QB? Yeah he didn’t come out for the final drive. The 3rd stringer came out. Some jamoke named *checks notes* Caleb Rowe was anointed potential savior for the Terps. Since we can’t have nice things, Rowe somehow becomes Roger Staubach. 1st down, 17 yard completion. Move the chains. Next, 11 yard run. Move the chains. 33 YARD COMPLETION TO A DUDE NAMED NIGEL!?!?!?! You’ve gotta be shittin me. Turtle got into that blind rats sauce and now he’s a mutant.
6 seconds remain. I am no longer on my couch, and have consumed enough Busch Light to turn most into a ghost (get it?). One roommate is throwing empties at the screen. One prays to whichever deity he finds holy. The other is outside on the porch, urging us to go to a girl’s pregame instead of watching the final play, as he doesn’t seem to care about the outcome. He is of French descent and has a weak constitution.
Snap. Hold. Kick. Ball spirals. Half full beer hits screen. The Nazarene has been invoked. “Dude lets just go to Courtney’s who ca…” DOINK. When was the last time a DOINK was cathartic, even orgasmic for a State fan? DOINK. Braddock clunked it off the upright. He didn’t have a hot girlfriend. PACK WINS! PACK WINS! CANCER LOSES!
And that’s the story of how cancer beat itself.